Should I stay or should I go?

 Why? Because I'm falling in love with you and you don't even like me. Because you are full of red flags and I really think that we all are at the beginning with our traumas and our walls but the difference is the willing to change and you don't have that. You look so sad all the time, even when you have a smile on your face, you should see yourself when you think no one is watching, and still you don't seem like you want to change that. You keep looking at your phone so you don't miss anything but you're missing so many things around you, you keep showing me pictures and for some reason I think the only reason you're doing it is because you want me to know that you know people, like if your value would depend on how many friends you have (it doesn't). 

 I'm not a jealous person, I was back in the day but I learned that there's no use to it, if someone wants to do something they're gonna do it despite your feelings. But still with you I'm struggling so much to not be that kind of person. We are very alone in this place and I just want to be with you and when you decide, quite often, that you prefere to do anything else something breaks inside me and I just become this jealousy monster that pushes everyone back. Everyone... you. I don't like the person I'm becoming when I'm around you, this is not me, I don't drink, I don't smoke cigarettes, I don't wait for the fucking guys to notice me, if they appreciate me they will and if not, oh well, there are a lot of fishes in the sea. But I cannot help myself, probably you didn't believe me when I told you that you were one of the most beautiful person I've ever met. And probably I lied because I think you are the most beatiful person I have ever met. Boy, oh boy, was I shocked when you kissed me, I felt so special, so priviledged. But anyway, the heat of the moment I suppose.

You keep trying to hide the minimal relationship we have and that hurts me so much, you can't touch me in public, we can't hold hands if there's someone else in the room (oh yes, I noticed how you did it the moment Buket entered the room two nights ago and boy, I wanted to die), you don't really want to be intimate with me and apparently we haven't had a date and was I silly believing that the dinner was kind of a date. My mistake again, I suppose. At least I have stopped following you everywhere. You don't want to know me, Victor knows way more about my life than you because he's genuinely interested and though you have told me so many things I still have the feeling that I don't know you at all, every time I try to talk about something that it's not completely superficial you just block and change the subject and now I'm afraid of asking you anything so I just don't. 

The thing is that I only want to stay here for you and I know you really don't mind if I stay or not so it's best if I come home and deal with my brand new emotional shit without having to see you everyday for another month and you can just carry on with your life.