If time doesn’t consume us I really hope we could find our way back to each other

Probably writing about you won’t be the best thing to do. It is too recent, you are too close and my heart breaks a bit every time knowing that you will be writing your story about one of your many travels to Turkey. But I come back to you over and over, to your everlasting eyebags, to your commencement of a beard, to your sad eyes. And I would like to write about you because you have been the best thing this volunteering has given me and maybe that could be a good way of making people interested in coming. Because after all it is all about this, isn’t it? Connection. Contact. And maybe I forced it, I can’t deny it, but even though I don’t know how to read people I do have a certain facility to find the ones that are going to be interesting. You looked like one to me from the beginning, even by just looking at your profile picture, that look that could crush whole armies. But it would be wrong to write about you knowing that I have spent these four weeks with ten more people, the world could consider it favoritism (and they wouldn’t be wrong). So I will write about some story that I have told way too many times and I will keep my thoughts to myself, I will try to enjoy what will last of us after this week and if time doesn’t consume us I really hope we could find our way back to each other.

I would say that I just want you to be happy and yes, I wouldn’t be lying but I wouldn’t be telling the whole truth either. I want you to be happy with me, for fuck’s sake. This thing that is happening between us is consuming me way faster than I expected and now there’s no fucking mantra that can help, there’s no “I can stop it” anymore. I can’t. What should I do then? Now I just don’t want to imagine how it would be to say goodbye to you, I suppose that’s why I really want to stay, postponing the inevitable. It’s what I always do.

Sé que te voy a echar de menos cuando vuelva a Sevilla, sé que tendré que buscar excusas para hablarte y también para no hacerlo, para no comerme la cabeza cuando no me llames por wasap porque yo no soy tan importante. Pero dios, qué ganas tengo de poder alejarme de ti, de tu sonrisa, de tu cuerpo que me pone mala y de esos ojos que me atraviesan cada vez que me miran. Nunca pensé que pudiera ser tan doloroso querer a alguien, me pregunto si fue así como Sebas se sintió durante cuatro meses. Pero yo lo intenté, por él, por mí, hice todo lo posible en el universo para dejar de quererlo y aunque me costó sudor, lágrimas, broncas y mucho dinero en el psicólogo lo conseguí. Pero claro, en este caso ella no lo sabe y tú, que parece que vas a menos tres en este aspecto, no le vas a decir nada. ¿Pa qué?, si solo estás enamorado de ella, si solo es tu mejor amiga, si solo... pero intento, de verdad que intento no comerme la cabeza y más ahora que nos quedan tres días mal contados. No quiero sufrir por ti pero te quiero y te adoro y no puedo dejar de pensar en ti, en tocarte, en sentir tu cuerpo cerca del mío y en pasar una noche juntos pero mucho me temo que no va a pasar, al menos no ahora.