Twin Peaks

 Twin Peaks is coming to Filmin. It was about fucking time, to be honest. And my first thought, of course, was "I can finally show him", followed up by the obvious "he's not gonna like it", to be summarized in an even more obvious "it doesn't matter anymore". You're leaving as soon as you come back and I won't have to see you again. It's strange how that feels, swimming between the inevitable of the situation and the fear of realising everything is true. I thought it would be complicated to not see previous partners considering how close we all live, but the truth is there has never been an accidental encounter. And yet, this feels way more real, if you go for sure I'm never gonna see you again. And I think that's okay. You drive me crazy to absurd limits, your lack of understanding, of care for details, of passion... I just can't understand why you can't love me like a normal person. Why do you have to be such a lovely human being just when I'm about to break down. It's not fair. I find myself being humilliated over and over just to get your attention, to get you to love me because that became my objective, but I don't know if what I got was love or it was just a natural reaction. Because you never felt them, didn't you? The butterflies. You never felt the longing, the need for connection, for words, for everything that was related to you. You were too busy being sad because you weren't able to be with someone else. And now you don't feel the need of structure, of caring for eachother, of having dates, of finding things together. Of travelling together, when it is so easy to travel for free without me. You know? I thought about new things to do, since you're always saying my only plan is going to the cinema (at least I have a plan): I found a swing dance class, I made a list of day trips, I checked cheap flights for easter, I even downloaded a very complete PDF of something called "partner summit" which I thought could make us both cry for quite a while, I even spent 15 freaking euros in multiplayer games for us to try, I looked for 2 players boardgames in English. I don't know, I tried. And I never got to tell you and now it doesn't matter.